


He's a Star, Bright & Too Far to Reach

by Adonis3



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, The Young Veins, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Major? Character Death, Please Don't Hate Me, Please read, Underage Drug Use, loose ends, mostly sad, sorry i couldn't think of a better title, you'll probably like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 22:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9348695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adonis3/pseuds/Adonis3
Summary: For as long as I can remember, Ryan Ross had always been seen as some sort of dark force.*  *  *The funeral was painful for him, especially since he was made to feel like the cause. Everyone gave him accusing stares, he was deemed the bringer of death.*  *  *Brendon made him smile in a way he hadn't since eighth grade, and while I supported them, a part of me envied Brendon's role.*  *  *They told their own close friends and soon the whole school knew, there seemed to be one common consensus, we had all lost our chances to be there for him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Not Important, but pretty funny. My dad saw me writing this and had me read it to him (I had to translate it too), he only lasted two and a half paragraphs. I think I freaked him out, my mind's darker than he expected.

For as long as I can remember, Ryan Ross had always been seen as some sort of dark force. I suppose it began in second grade when he kissed a boy, and the kid went on to tell everyone else. That's when he was labeled weird, nobody knew the correct word at the time.

By sixth grade, Ryan only had one friend, people tended to steer clear of him because there was this bad luck surrounding him. Everyone had heard that his mom left him and his dad, and everyone bore witness to the news of his dad being hospitalized after drinking too much. Some kids made fun of the situation, they'd call his dad a useless drunk. Teachers took notice of this and the school held an assembly for sensitivity, I remember looking over at Ryan that day, there was a mix of emotions, not a single one was happy or gratuitous. That year he was labeled unlovable, after all, only an unloved kid was abandoned and seen as too little of a reason to sober up for. It was never said out loud, but everyone 'knew', he wasn't someone worthy of love. Except for Spencer, he stood beside him through it all. Which is why the events of ninth grade were such a tragedy.

Spencer had been on this steady road to self-destruction since eighth grade, binge drinking, drugs, reckless actions with or without those items influencing him. Everyone knew what was going on and nobody did a thing to help. Ryan tried his hardest to make him stop, sometimes I'd walk by the bleachers, where they hung out, and I'd see Ryan practically begging him to stop his dangerous lifestyle. Spencer, though never sober during these talks, would insist he was fine. Sometimes Ryan would flat out cry and turn into this sobbing mess, then one time, Spencer got tired of Ryan's constant pleads, and slapped him so hard it dropped him to the floor. I'm sure it was the first time that had happened, because Spencer looked very shocked by his actions, but never apologized or comforted him. Instead he just watched as Ryan hugged his knees to his body and hid his face there, he had his back to me, but I could see his thin body shaking from quiet sobs. He was pitiful, and it took all the strength in my body to not hug him that day. The summer going into tenth grade, Spencer died of a drug overdose, it was talked about all around town. And everyone put on this big show, saying he was a saint and a good friend, and a victim. Some claimed they were close to him, the only ones that were there for him, with no regard for Ryan's position.

The funeral was painful for him, especially since he was made to feel like the cause. Everyone gave him accusing stares, he was deemed the bringer of death.

Ryan came back different Sophomore year, he didn't smile or talk, he rarely looked at other people. He wasn't so much bullied, as he was just an outcast. Just his name was taboo. Nothing eventful happened that year, he was like a ghost, walking the halls. I was always tempted to talk to him, but even though I tried to deny what others said about him, his presence still put me on edge. I always felt like I'd break him if I so much as tapped him.

One day I saw him at the grocery store, at the end of tenth grade, he was less devastated by then, like he was about ready to move on. The lights made his fair skin look even paler, and showed all the different shades of brown in his hair, ultimately, it was just a light brown. I walked to him, to grab a pudding cup from the shelf in front of him, he scooted away from me. He didn't look above my neck that day, and I pretended this was the first time I'd ever seen him, like he was nothing special, just another shopper in the same isle as me.

Junior year, he got a boyfriend; it was this new kid Brendon that he'd met during the summer, they lasted seven months. I knew he was bad news, but who was I to step in and say that to Ryan. Brendon was a party boy, the happier, bolder version of Spencer. He would take Ryan everywhere, to parties, to festivals, to games. Sometimes I'd see them at these events, the first few times it warmed my heart to see them together, all close and giggly. Brendon would wrap his arms around Ryan from behind him in a protective way. Ryan was slightly taller than Brendon, but, and I don't know if it was the softness of his features, the quietness of his voice, or his life story, but he seemed smaller than him, smaller than everyone really.

Brendon made him smile in a way he hadn't since eighth grade, and while I supported them, a part of me envied Brendon's role. Still, I and everyone else at school seemed to study them carefully, waiting for the inevitably appalling finale to come. And sure enough it did. Slowly but surely, Ryan's smile faded, his eyes began to dull again, and he began to reduce his presence in every situation. Brendon made him nervous, not in the fear sense, more like a growing concern. Ryan was unhappy, but hid it, until one day it disclosed itself at this party, Brendon had gotten drunk out of his mind. Ryan began to scold him, after years of negative encounters with the drink he'd grown to hate it, and because Brendon seemed to love it so much, Ryan began to grow uncomfortable around him. Ryan was telling him they should leave, that he would drive, instead Brendon got mad and began to call out all of Ryan's flaws until he was a sniffling mess. He was too weak and embarrassed to sob or wail, so he stuck to whimpering as tears stained his face. All his insecurities were being broadcasted, they were things Ryan had trusted him with, probably during some late-night talks and they were being used to humiliate him for having legitimate worries. Brendon stormed out of the house, and Ryan, despite being hurt, ran after him. I followed them, along with a crowd of people sober enough to realize what was going on. Brendon opened his car door, Ryan reached for his hand to stop him, Brendon shoved him further into the road and sped away, leaving rubber burns on the concrete. I looked at Ryan, his panic was clear, like he knew it would end in death. Brendon was in a coma for two months before dying. Needless to say, Ryan was crushed.

Everyone attended the funeral, except for Ryan, people judged him for that. Again, they pretended Ryan wasn't a part of the deceased's life. I waited there that day, until night time, just so I could see if Ryan would stop by or not. He did. He brought a candle, a flashlight, and a book. He put the candle down, centering it against the headstone, and lighting it, unleashing the scent of vanilla. He turned on the flashlight, and flipped the book to a bookmarked page, and began to read. It was cut short by his crying. I felt bad invading this private moment, then I heard him speak again, it was barely a whisper but it was also the only thing disturbing the silence of the night.

"I love you." he said, and I could feel a sharp pain in my heart. Is it possible to love someone you've never talked to?

Everyone watched Ryan's life pass by, like some television show that couldn't be crossed into. They watched his fading happiness and growing pain like there was nothing that could be done to prevent it, me included. I wondered if others felt like intervening as much as I did. I know Tyler prayed for him, Patrick pitied him, and Pete wanted to understand how he hadn't killed himself yet, and every now and then I'd hear some people talk. Whispering to their own friends about him, some asked if he was okay, others demonized him because they couldn't get passed the stories surrounding him, and a couple girls said they wanted to comfort him. But is there any chance that any of them wanted to talk to him and be a part of his life, like I did?

I don't think Ryan is bad news, or some walking Greek tragedy, I think he just attracted the bad people. He was quiet, sweet, forgiving, and a loner, he was an easy person to spit on and walk all over. They could see that.

Senior year, at the start of the second semester, he seemed to finally be stable. He went back to his sophomore year state, but this time there was no dark cloud hanging over him, instead it just seemed like he was doing it for his own comfort. He looked at people, smiled slightly at them, he talked in class discussions. I almost believed his façade, until three days ago, when I saw him one day after school. He was at the graveyard, talking to Spencer.

"Even in death you are my only friend." he said flatly, the words sounded practiced, like he said them every day. The next lines were organic, unplanned, just conversation. "And it's fine, because soon I'll be joining you, and Brendon I guess. Soon." he sighed contently, my heart throbbed, I thought back to Pete, he was right to wonder. Ryan lied down, and stared up at the grey sky, "I don't see a reason to stay, nobody talks to me. They're all scared of me." he laughed, but it sounded like a choked-up sob, "guess they're right t'be. Bad things happen to the people around me, you and Brendon are prime examples. I can't wait to be with you guys, or is heaven not made for guys like me? Destroyers." I walked away, I couldn't listen to him anymore. I never thought of the solidarity as something that hurt him, he always had worse things going on, I assumed he forgot he was ignored.

I told Pete the next day, all he said was "Heavy." then acted like there was nothing anyone could do about it, he said that weren't the people to be there for him. But who is left, if not us? I can't accept that as the truth, I told Jenna and Tyler, she cried slightly and he held his own tears back, they both said they felt for Ryan, but couldn't step in like that because he didn't seem to like them all that much, they said they'd pray for him and hope that something good would come along to prevent his negative thoughts. They told their own close friends and soon the whole school knew, there seemed to be one common consensus, we had all lost our chances to be there for him. He would have to get through this on his own, because at the end of the day, the outcome could only be left up to him.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys think, is the ending unsatisfying? If it is, that's good, it's what I wanted. I wanted to leave this open as a possible story later on, I guess if you guys like it it could be, and if not, it still could be. Anyways, flattery is welcome, so is criticism, favors (like stories and stuff) as well. Well, thanks for reading.
> 
> P.S. I'm posting this at 2:33 a.m, there might be some errors, please let me know about them


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